Starting Over.....

Well.....it's not called "Southpaw's Journey" for nothin'! lol
As some of you know, I have battled addiction for over 30 years. It has been a nightmare for everyone, myself included. I'm sure I'm not even completely aware of the damage I've done. I've always 'questioned' whether or not I was actually addicted - most of us AA'ers do that! I tried the 'controlled' drinking thing and I came to realize the only thing I was controlling was my death.
Several months ago, I relapsed - I hesitate to use the word 'relapse' because I think many people use that word totally and completely out of context....but anyway.....in all the years of my 'questioning', the one thing I have never been able to do is "Step-one": 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become
unmanageable. I have never, never, ever been able to make that admission. This time, however, I did. I've always denied step-1 because it would then lead me to Step-Two: 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity. I didn't want to admit that one either - that control flaw of mine! LOL
The last time I got sober, I literally did see God working in my life, but I got away from my spirituality which inevitably always leads us right back to our disease; meaning, I relapsed before I relapsed, if that makes any sense.
I thought I could 'handle' my addiction; I mean, after all, I was functional! I went to work everyday, I took care of my affairs, etc. But many of us are quite skilled in hiding our disease.
I didn't like the person I had become. I was, however, beginning to like the person I was sober. And so, for me, Step-Three awaits: 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him. I no longer have to hide; I don't have to keep secrets; I don't have to feel worthless, and I can let go of resentments and anger.
Life can be good!